A few years ago, one reader told me that her biggest challenge was, "Getting my husband's support. He would like me to be a couch potato with him in his retirement. I will work around this!"

I admire her determination. I've been very lucky: my mum's also a writer, and has supported and she's encouraged me in my writing for a couple of decades now. 

My husband, Paul, has always been hugely supportive of both my freelance writing and my fiction ... and I've supported his academic writing.

I know that not all writers have this kind of encouragement. They don't have any close friends or family who "get" it, and they desperately want the support of their loved ones.

You can't make someone support you, but you can at least pave the path for them.

Here are a few things to try.

#1: Get Clear (With Yourself and Them) About What You Need

What sort of support are you looking for ... and do your loved ones know what you need?

If, like the reader above, you're retired then you might need your partner to give you the physical and mental space to write: it's incredibly tough to focus if someone keeps wandering along to start up a conversation.

If you have young kids, you might need some very practical support. When our children were young, I generally wrote fiction between 5.15pm and 5.45pm, while my husband was with the kids between teatime and bathtime.

In other situations, you might need emotional support. Perhaps you'd be thrilled if your partner would read your novel-in-progress and simply tell you what they like most about it.

#2: Consider Looking for Emotional Support Elsewhere

Sadly, some people just don't understand writers and writing. They can't understand why you'd want to do something that looks like (to them) rather unrewarding hard work!

If that's the case for your partner (or best friend, roommate, parents, siblings, etc) then don't sit around waiting for them to change. Find other writers who you can get together with on a regular basis – perhaps in a local writers' group, or as part of an evening class or similar.

You can also join the Aliventures Club (open to all my past/current customers) on Facebook, where you can talk about writing with lots of other writers who "get" it:

facebook.com/groups/aliventuresclub

If any mention of writing is met with doom and gloom ("what's the point, you'll never get published...") then don't talk to your loved ones about writing.

#3: Support Your Loved Ones in Their Goals

While they might not want to write, your friends and family probably have big goals of their own. Maybe they want to take up a new hobby, lose weight, learn a language, start a business ... whatever it might be, try to find out what they really want to do, and support them.

Paul and I have a regular weekly check-in where we discuss the goals we're working on and the progress we're making (or, quite often, not making!) It's a good opportunity to be accountable to one another and to encourage one another.

#4: Establish Set Writing Times

If your partner (parents/kids/etc) know that you're going to write at a specific time every day or week, they'll soon get used to the routine. When my kids were little, they knew and accepted that I went upstairs to write after teatime on weekday afternoons. If a three or four year old can manage that, anyone can!

By writing at set times, you also show people that you are taking your writing seriously – which increases the chances that they will too. You could start with something as simple as a "writing hour" once a week, where you find an hour that pretty much always works for you taking some writing time.

Things probably won't change overnight. But keep taking little steps to make things better – by taking your goals seriously, speaking out about the support you need, and helping your friends and family with their goals, you'll hopefully soon be able to get the support you're looking for.

Happy writing,

Ali

P.S. Here's last week's Aliventures blog post, in case you missed it:

How to Write When ... You're Bored With What You're Writing