One reader wrote that her biggest challenge was, "Getting my husband's support. He would like me to be a couch potato with him in his retirement. I will work around this!"
I've been very lucky, as writers go: my mum's also a writer, and
has supported and encouraged me in my writing for a couple of decades now. My husband, Paul, has always been hugely supportive of both my freelance writing and my fiction.
But ... a lot of writers aren't so lucky. They don't have any close friends or family who "get" it, and they desperately want the support of their loved ones.
Here are a few things you can try:
#1: Get Clear (With Yourself and Them) About What
You Need
What sort of support are you looking for?
If, like the reader above, you're retired then you might need your partner to give you the physical and mental space to write: it's understandably tough to focus if someone keeps wandering past to start up a conversation.
If you have young kids, you might need some very practical support: for instance, I normally write fiction between 5.15pm
and 5.45pm, while Paul takes care of the kids between teatime and bathtime.
If you're still in school and living at home with your parents, you might need them to help out with some writing-related expenditure: perhaps a new laptop, a place on a course, or a book or two that'll help you develop your writing craft.
#2: Look for Emotional Support Elsewhere
Although I hate to say this, some people just
don't "get" writers and writing. They can't understand why you'd want to do something that looks like (to them) rather unrewarding hard work!
If that's the case for your partner (or best friend, room-mate, parents, siblings, etc) then don't sit around waiting for them to change. Find other writers who you can get together with on a regular basis – perhaps in a local writers' group, or as part of an evening class or even a degree programme.
If any
mention of writing is met with doom and gloom ("what's the point, you'll never get published...") then don't talk to your loved ones about writing.
#3: Support Your Loved Ones in Their Goals
While they might not want to write, your friends and family probably have big goals of their own. Maybe they want to take up a new hobby, lose weight, travel the world ... whatever it might be, try to find out what they (perhaps
secretly) really want to do, and support them.
Paul and I have a regular weekly "goals" check-in where we discuss the goals we're working on and the progress we're making(or, quite often, not making!) It's a good opportunity to be accountable to one another, and also a chance to connect with what's going on in one another's lives (sometimes tricky when a lot of our time together is spent wrangling small kids or tackling the
housework).
#4: Establish Set Writing Times
If your partner (parents/kids/etc) know that you're going to write at a specific time every day or week, they'll soon get used to the routine. Kitty (who is three) knows and accepts that I go upstairs and write after teatime on weekday afternoons – and if a three year old can get used to that, anyone can! ;-)
By writing at set times, you also show people
that you are taking your writing seriously – which increases the chances that they will too. You could start with something as simple as a "writing hour" once a week: mine is Sunday evenings from 8pm-9pm. (Of course you can write at other times too! The point here is to start building a writing routine.)
Things probably won't change overnight. But keep taking little steps to make things
better – even though you obviously can't force someone else to change, there's usually something you can do to improve the situation. Best of luck!
