Are you harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else?
Maybe you tell yourself things
like:
- You're too lazy. You'll never manage to stick to a writing routine.
- Look at all the great writers out there -- how can you ever hope to match up to
them?
- There's no point writing at all. You'll never get anywhere.
When I write those down, they look horrible. I can't imagine saying those to a friend -- or, frankly, even to someone I didn't like!
But I suspect that you (like me) have told yourself something like that before.
You might worry that without this sort of self-criticism, you'll never grow as a writer. But all too often, being hard on yourself won't be motivating at all: it'll be draining.
A far better tool to use, instead of self-criticism, is self-compassion.
I came across the idea of self-compassion last year, during what was a difficult few months for me -- and I found it hugely helpful in feeling more motivated, and simply happier!
Here's, very briefly, how it works (at least as I've used it):
Step #1: Recognise how you feel – and remember that it's OK to feel negative emotions. If you
feel angry, or sad, or irritated by a particular situation, there's nothing wrong with your emotions (or with you).
Step #2: Remind yourself that other people, in the same circumstances, would likely
feel the same way. (Your computer crashed and you've lost two hours' work on your novel? Any writer would be annoyed and upset by that!)
Step #3: Ask yourself what would make you feel better. Maybe
you need a hug. Maybe you need to take a walk. Maybe you need some time alone to read a trashy magazine.
This sounds very simple, set down like that, but I think for many of us, we're used to having
compassion for other people ... and not all that good at having compassion for ourselves.
As writers, self-compassion can help us avoid overwhelm and have confidence in following our path (among the many possible writing paths out there).
What could self-compassion look like for you
today? It might mean:
- Getting a takeaway or having a ready meal because you're tired and don't want to cook again this evening.
- Having a long walk, alone, in nature.
- Doing something creative that isn't writing – colouring, baking, sewing, knitting, whatever you like.
- Setting firmer boundaries with someone in your life (likely a friend or family member).
- Saying "no" to a request, rather than defaulting to "yes".
- Asking for what you want, without qualification or apology.
- Writing something purely for fun.
- Going to bed early so you can catch up with sleep.
- Reassessing some of your goals, if they're causing you to feel overwhelmed and pressured.
- Taking the time to deal with some tasks that are on your mind (even if they don't feel "important" or "urgent" enough to have your attention).
If it'd be helpful
for you, please do feel free to reply to this email to tell me what you'll be doing to bring a little self-compassion into your life.
For more on self-compassion, check out self-compassion.org -- you'll find helpful
explanations, detailed research and practical tips. 
